Monday, April 27, 2009

The BIG Picture

I shared this journal entry with my team at HB, but feel prompted to share it here also:

As the few lingering guests drove away from Hallandale's parking lot, there I sat on the floor in the East Lobby playing with the kids, desperately trying to keep them contained, occupied, and out of Chris' way while he was counseling and praying with the last couple of the morning who had approached him after the service desperate for relationship restoration. As I waited for Chris, I thought to myself, "Here I am, playing "red light, green light " and "mother, may I?" with my kids and this little boy whose parents are in the office crying with Chris...Here I am, frantically scanning the empty lobby for the next idea of what I can possibly conjure up to keep all these kiddos safe and occupied while Chris is in his office, living out his God-given destiny. How unglamorous this can be for me...I wonder what my destiny is? Surely, it's a little more than taking child after child to the bathroom, helping them pull down their pants, pee, and wash their hands with one hand, because I have Annie in the other and even relaxed me refuses to set her on the bathroom floor. Here I am, doing things that are WAY behind the scenes, things I did not expect to do after church today. Actually, I planned on putting the kids in the car immediately following the 11am service and meeting my company that's in town for one more afternoon at Chipotle. That is what I had planned for the day, and here I am...."

God had planned otherwise. He had planned to use Chris to bring hurting couples to the cross where they would experience restoration and healing. And for Chris to be able to do what God had planned for him, I had to be cooperative and humble..two things I hate to admit that I struggle with...A LOT. I reasoned in that moment that I had 2 choices: 1. Be upset and frustrated that my plans were interrupted, that my kids were getting dirtier and dirtier by the second, and that I was at a complete loss as to how I was going to wipe Jack's bottom with Annie in one hand and Jack's half-eaten, but treasured lollipop in the other. OR, I could choose option 2. Option 2: I could thank God that He was using me to be a part of something BIG. Trust me, I know that keeping kids relatively calm and occupied why dad is praying with someone does not feel BIG (trust me, I KNOW :) But as I stood there in the bathroom, I couldn't help but thank God for allowing us to be a part of what He is doing through FRC. Serving in the ministry is not perfect. And for me, at least at this season of my life, It is less than glamorous more times than not. But, I refuse (with the Holy Spirit's strength..which I often need to do this :) to focus on how unglamorous it can look for me and the roles I am filling right now, and I choose to look at the how glamorous the BIG Picture is.
The BIG Picture is that God is moving and working through FRC. The BIG Picture is that hundreds of relationships were restored yesterday. The BIG Picture is that if I persevere on, I can have a part in hundreds more moments of life change like those of yesterday. The BIG Picture is that FRC WILL make a Kingdom Impact in a HUGE way in my life time. The BIG Picture is that it is not about me, and sometimes God will ask me to do the unglamorous things so that others can more effectively do what God has called them to do. The BIG Picture is that I am a part of the Lord's work even if my part is sometimes holding a sticky baby and wiping a dirty bottom in the midst of a round of "red light, green light."
THAT is the BIG Picture..And when I remember it this way, I can't help but become overwhelmed with gratitude that God has allowed me to do exactly what I am doing right now. Actually, it makes even a non-crier like me tear up with gratitude for being allowed to do something as BIG as playing "red light, green light" in the East Lobby on a Sunday afternoon.


Anonymous said...

What an honor to be entrusted with the care of precious little ones so that others may come to Him. You look like a queen to me and I'm sure your Heavenly Father as well! Job well done. :) Vicki

Anonymous said...

Totally humbled Holly. Thank you so much for all your support and for sharing this vision for our family! Thank you for being willing to go hard after it even when it is unglamorous! I love you! Chris

paige said...

Would you please start posting once a day? Ya know, since you have so much time and all!! I LOVE reading your blog! It's my total excitement for the day when I see a new post from you! It seriously is better than the Proverbs 31 women's devotional book! You're good! And I'm glad God speaks through you the way He does! Keep truckin'

Glowing 4 Him said...