Many times when I experience a night like the one I just posted about, I find myself getting upset with God. "God, You know I want to be up at 6am to start my day off in your presence. I want to spend time with you before I start running around doing the tasks that are screaming for my attention. Why do you give me such long, sleepless nights? Why, God, when I do get up at 6am to be alone with You, do you let Jack wake up at 6:05? Especially Jack. You know he wakes up talking a mile a minute. Why not at least give me Max, who takes an hour or two to wake before he starts talking. At least then I could still spend some time with You."
As I battle these feelings of frustration, I am reminded of two things. One is a nugget of wisdom from a very wise friend, the other a word from God. My friend once told me that I need to learn to live by the "Take what I can get" motto. I need to remind myself that God knows my heart and He knows my desire to spend time with Him. He also knows when a child will wake or when they will have sleepless nights. He knows when the demands of little ones are so much that I go the whole day without getting a break to pee, nevertheless spend time alone with Him. He not only knows this, but He is in control of this. I have learned that I need to let go of my prefabricated idea of what a perfect morning looks like and learn to find joy in "taking what I can get" during this season of life. The "perfect" morning for me will always start with a short jog(currently, my training schedule has me running to the mailbox and back :) followed by a cup of coffee and some quiet time with just me and the Lord where I don't have to get up until I hear a fresh word from Him. Of course, in my perfect morning, all of this occurs while the rest of the house is still sleeping. Although this is ideal, I have learned that if I can't get that, it doesn't mean my day is ruined or that God cannot speak to me today. I have had to "take what I can get" and learn to hear from God in less than perfect scenarios. I can hear from God with a child in my lap, or I can pray with Curious George playing in the background. Is it perfect?- NO. But some days it is what I get-- and I'll take it.
This "Take what I can get" motto has taught me to learn to hear Him amidst the chaos, for it is in the chaos that I need Him most.
I know I said two things, but this post is already too long and I've run out of time. I'll share the other tomorrow :).