"3 Questions" Game

I am the world's worst blogger when it comes to doing themed posts. Those of you who had mega cute Valentine pictures, and what I love most about my man posts this past week, sure do know how to make a girl feel bad....it's cool, though :)

So here is my Valentine blog. I thought I would share with you one the top things Chris and I have learned that has revolutionized our marriage.

We call it the "3 Questions" game. We play this ANYTIME we go out together or have a planned time for conversation together after the kids are in bed (yes, with 3 little ones, we have to schedule weekly conversation time on the calendar......it's not the only thing we have to schedule :) Here's how it goes: We each have to come up with 3 questions that we BOTH have to answer honestly, and the question has to be about a previously decided topic for the night (marriage, our relationships with the Lord, parenting, future goals, hopes and dreams).

For example, some of the questions that came up on our Valentines date night were:

What is the one thing that you enjoy most about our marriage right now?
What is the hardest thing for you in our marriage right now?
Would you rather me help you more in the home or outside of the home? What can we do to cover the area you do not need me most?
What is your biggest personal struggle with sin right now? (This one really helps us learn how to pray for each other and hold each other accountable.)

This practice has taught Chris and I to be intentional about improving our marriage on a regular basis. We think of it as a "marriage debriefing". While it seemed a little silly at first, I have seen the benefits, and I hate going out without playing "3 Questions." It seems like a waste of a date...and we don't get enough of them to waste even one.

You know how counselors and pastors always say that you need to work a date night into your budget no matter what? That it is that important? Well, I don't totally agree with that statement. I believe that while date nights are great, you have to be intentional about them if you want to see improvements in your marriage. And let's face it, no matter how good your marriage is, there's always room to improve.

If Chris and I just go out to a movie and spend the evening sitting beside each other watching a screen, but don't take time to talk openly, don't make adjustments, and don't make plans for the future, we may have had a good time, but we wouldn't be any better off than if we each had taken time by ourselves to relax. We relaxed together and that was it. Tomorrow we will have the same problems we had yesterday.

We have learned that we need to be intentional...we need to debrief, make adjustments, and get a game plan for the future. We need to know what we are doing that's working and what isn't. I need to know what makes Chris feel loved and how he needs me most right now. And the right now is a biggie. I have realized that my answer to one question tonight may be totally different to the same question 3 months from now. As seasons change, so do our needs and the way we each feel loved. Right now, I feel loved most by help...any act of service that will bring a little relief is the number one way Chris can show me he loves me. However, before I had kids and when time was a little easier to come by, I was really liking me some gifts...or some quality time. A new outfit or a nice dinner out would say, "I love you" like no other. Not now, just give the kids a bath and I will know my man loves me. :)

I am convinced that a good marriage can fail because we failed to be intentional about making it great.

Name Calling

Now, I know the title is a little cheesy, but Numbers 13 records one of the best name calling sessions I have ever read about.

OK...so you know how Joshua was one of the only two spies who came back after scoping out the enemy's land and reported that he was ready to take them on in war and fight for the land God had promised the Israelites? He was confident that God would do what He promised His people. Even though the enemy was bigger and stronger and only one other warrior was going to stand up with him against the other 10 cowards, Joshua still courageously said "Let's fight 'em and watch God deliver the enemy into our hands."

Here's what the Lord showed me....Did you know that Moses changed Joshua's name from Hoshea to Joshua before he was sent to scope out the Promised Land? The name Joshua comes from the Hebrew root which means, "to deliver", "to be victorious."

Now hold on to that thought for a minute and consider this: Do you know how many times I found either Moses or the Lord directly telling Joshua to"Be strong and courageous" before he led the Israelites in battle? SIX times! (And this was just at a glance into the end of Deuteronomy and the first chapter of Joshua...it may have been more than that!)

Now this is only my thoughts...so take it for what it's worth. I cannot help but to think that maybe Joshua was not naturally such a courageous, faith-filled risk-taker after all. Could it be that Moses called out in him his potential? That Moses knew the plan God had for him before Joshua did and that "Calling Out" by His most respected leader...the one who's face had shone because he met with God on the mountain; the one who among his own people, there was no question that he heard directly from God... gave Joshua the courage and fire inside him to live up to his potential? That finally his "Calling" was made as clear to him as his name? Could it be that when his name was changed to his purpose: "Victorious One"...he was inspired to risk it all to allow God to prove his name? And it is by that courage that Joshua reached his God potential in this life.

Dear Father, give me a new name...a name that defines my purpose. May my purpose be as clear to me as my first name. Give me the courage and fire inside me to follow where you lead believing with everything in me that You will make my life prove my name.

A Good Work....In Progress

At church tonight a dear friend of mine shared with me that she really "blew it" today as a mom. Boy, can I relate to that. I hate that feeling. As she was sharing her mothering struggles with me, this picture came to mind (I saw this when I was in Nebraska and loved it):




What a comfort it is to know that even when we've "blown it" our God is not giving up on us. He will finish in us what He started....a good work! Just some days are worse than others aren't they? Some days I feel like that "good work in me" is under so much construction that I should wear a sign on my back that states: WARNING: Hard Hats Required. :)

Be encouraged today that God never gives up on you....and you shouldn't give up on you either...you are a good work in progress.

Coming Out of the Closet

I learned a great lesson as I came out of the closet yesterday morning. You see, I woke up feeling very anxious and overwhelmed by day to day life. Instead of stopping immediately and giving it all to God, I just kept trying to push through in my own strength. Feelings of anxiety, guilt, and fear began to mount, and to and to top things off, I fell in my closet (I know, it is in dire need of a total makeover). I was reaching for the sewing machine you can see on the top shelf when I slipped and I came crashing down. HARD. Really, really hard. My son, Max, was the only eye witness to this horrible accident, and as I was lying on the floor trying to figure out which body parts were still attached and which ones would be no more, he just watched in horror without saying a word (maybe he said something, but I heard nothing at this point). Seriously, as I lay on the floor, I just wanted to quit. Quit what? I don't know. I guess I just felt like giving up on walking in faith. Faith that God is in control. My fall in the closet was an illustration of what's been going on in my life in the past few weeks. Everything seems to be crashing down. The kids are sick and therefore extremely needy ( I struggle with keeping up when they are all healthy:), one is having major struggles with his behavior at school, our finances just took a nose dive with some investments gone bad, my house is a disaster despite the fact that a huge part of my day-everyday is cleaning. Basically, I have lost control and my faith is really being tested. So as I lie there on the closet floor grasping my left wrist that seems to have taken the brunt of the fall, I begin to tell God that I want to quit. I can't do it anymore. It was in that moment that God spoke to me through my 4 year old son. Observing that I had been clutching my wrist for quite sometime, Max says, "Mom, you want me to put my hands on your wrist and ask Jesus to make it better?" I replied, "Yes, please." As I sat there on the floor while my 4 year old laid his hands on my hurting wrist and prayed believing, that Jesus would make it all better, I realized that it was so simple to Max. I was hurt and Jesus would make it better just as soon as we ask. I felt the Lord say to me, "Keep going, Holly. Trust my Spirit to give you the strength you need. You asked me to increase your faith. Don't quit. Your children's faith will start at the place where your faith stops."
WOW. I realized in that moment that my children will start their journey with God expecting to see the things I am begging Him to see. What takes every ounce of faith for me to believe now, they will already know because they witnessed God doing these things at a young age before fear and doubt could get in the way. You see, they don't know that it is a huge "mountain" for me to trust God to heal my friend from Parkinson's disease, or to trust God to pay the bills, or to trust God to use me in some way to advance His kingdom. They just see us pray and see God answer. It's that simple to them. I am learning that the mountains in our lives that we are crying out in faith for God to move will be but mere anthills to them. It will be without question to them that God heals, and provides, and uses his children to make His Name great. Those will be "normals" to them. Their "mountains" will be so far beyond anything we could ever imagine God doing. We cry out now for miraculous healings from God, they will be crying out for resurrections. We ask in faith for God to supply the just enough money to pay the bills, they will be asking for millions to advance His kingdom. We beg to be a part of a movement of God like we have never seen before, they will beg to be a part of a movement of God that no one in the history of mankind has ever seen before.

Dear Father, increase my faith. Keep pushing me to trust You more and more. I am willing to suffer so that my faith will be made greater. Holy Spirit, give me the strength to keep on going (1)so that I may know who my God is (2) so that what about killed me to trust You with is but "normal" to my children. May their faith just begin where my faith stops. And may they have the faith to move mountains that I never dared to dreamed of!

Advice

Here are a couple of the most sensible pieces of advice I have ever received:


From my mom as I was leaving home for my first year of college:

"Now, Holly, I know money is going to be tight while you are away, but you must remember to keep up with getting your roots done, nails done, gym membership, and any other "maintenance" things that you like to have done. You have to be determined to make a way to work these things into your meager budget because you will more than likely meet your husband at college, you know. And trust me, if you are keeping up with these things when you meet and date your husband, he will assume that these "maintenance fees" are part of "the package." He will realize they are necessities and they come with the deal.. If he likes the package when you are dating...then when you're married, he will find a way to work these "necessities" into your meager newlywed budget. If you let them go before you meet your husband or while you are dating, you may never get them back. Just trust me... it has taken me a long time to get some of those things back."


She was right.. that was great advice. I only wish I would have hired someone to clean my dorm room for me, so it wouldn't be like pulling teeth to try and work a house keeper into the budget now :). Oh, and please don't tell me this is manipulation--I saw it as a creative investment into my future :). Mom, you are a wise woman...thank you for the advice. (Chris thanks you too!)


From my Grandma one night when I was spending the night with her as a little girl and she was tucking me into bed:

"OK, Holly, you are all set-- sleep tight." (she turns to walk out the door and then turns around and says), "Now, if you have feel like you have to pee during the night, just get up and go. Don't even think about it--just get up and go the first time it crosses your mind. Otherwise you will spend the rest of the night trying to decide whether you should get up and pee or just wait until the morning. You will loose a good nights' rest just thinking about peeing-- so just get up and go and get it over with."


This one still cracks me up, but I swear I live by it every night. No Contemplating-- Just go the first time you think about it. ---Although, this just about killed me when I was pregnant!


What is one piece of practical advice that has always stuck with you?

Hectic Seasons

This is a follow-up from my last post.

The second thing I am reminded of during hectic seasons of life is this simple verse:

Psalm 3:5 - I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me.

I remember reading this verse in the middle of the night once when I was up feeding Jack during his newborn days. The first few months of Jack's life was the most difficult season of my life to date. My father passed away just 6 weeks before Jack was born, and my family was drowning in a sea of grief during those weeks preceding Jack's birth. I was up almost every night replaying the horrible events of the night my father passed away. By the time Jack arrived, I don't think I had slept 2 hours straight since my dad's death, and now I had a newborn to throw in the mix. It seemed as if I was awakened continually from either nightmares or a baby crying that needed to be fed. I got to such a low place with grief, lack of sleep, and postpartum blues that I remember begging God to show me that He cared about what I was going through and He had not abandoned me. As I sat there in the middle of the night, I remember praying, "God if I do not hear from you tonight, I am not going to make it through this. Please speak to me." And it was at 2am that night that I read this verse in Psalms:

I lie down and sleep I wake again because he Lord sustains me.

In that moment the Lord spoke to me and said, "Holly, if you wake because of a nightmare, a regret about your dad, or a crying baby, I will sustain you. I will carry you through this season. If you only sleep 2 hours tonight, I will sustain you tomorrow. It is my promise to you. If i wake you, I will sustain you. And He did. It was the first time in months I had felt the Lord speak to me and the first time I truly believed He would be faithful to do as He promised. For the first time in a VERY LONG TIME, I had hope and joy. Hope that I would make it through this season, and great joy because I knew I had heard from the Lord and I knew He did care about what I was going through.

Here I am two and a half years later, finding myself claiming that same promise from Him in the crazy, frustrating nights of the newborn stage once again. But this time, I don't feel hopeless. Because I know my God and I know He cares about me and he will sustain me, no matter what.

Guys, if we wake to face another day we can be sure that He will carry us through.

A simple, but much needed word in my life. Hope it encourages you.


What about you? What valuable lesson(s) has the Lord taught you in some of the most hectic/difficult seasons of your life?

Take What I Can Get

Many times when I experience a night like the one I just posted about, I find myself getting upset with God. "God, You know I want to be up at 6am to start my day off in your presence. I want to spend time with you before I start running around doing the tasks that are screaming for my attention. Why do you give me such long, sleepless nights? Why, God, when I do get up at 6am to be alone with You, do you let Jack wake up at 6:05? Especially Jack. You know he wakes up talking a mile a minute. Why not at least give me Max, who takes an hour or two to wake before he starts talking. At least then I could still spend some time with You."

As I battle these feelings of frustration, I am reminded of two things. One is a nugget of wisdom from a very wise friend, the other a word from God. My friend once told me that I need to learn to live by the "Take what I can get" motto. I need to remind myself that God knows my heart and He knows my desire to spend time with Him. He also knows when a child will wake or when they will have sleepless nights. He knows when the demands of little ones are so much that I go the whole day without getting a break to pee, nevertheless spend time alone with Him. He not only knows this, but He is in control of this. I have learned that I need to let go of my prefabricated idea of what a perfect morning looks like and learn to find joy in "taking what I can get" during this season of life. The "perfect" morning for me will always start with a short jog(currently, my training schedule has me running to the mailbox and back :) followed by a cup of coffee and some quiet time with just me and the Lord where I don't have to get up until I hear a fresh word from Him. Of course, in my perfect morning, all of this occurs while the rest of the house is still sleeping. Although this is ideal, I have learned that if I can't get that, it doesn't mean my day is ruined or that God cannot speak to me today. I have had to "take what I can get" and learn to hear from God in less than perfect scenarios. I can hear from God with a child in my lap, or I can pray with Curious George playing in the background. Is it perfect?- NO. But some days it is what I get-- and I'll take it.

This "Take what I can get" motto has taught me to learn to hear Him amidst the chaos, for it is in the chaos that I need Him most.

I know I said two things, but this post is already too long and I've run out of time. I'll share the other tomorrow :).

Willing to Sink

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

One of the hardest lessons the Lord has taught me (and is still teaching me!) as a wife is that sometimes the most empowering thing I can do for my husband is to be willing to sink. For so long in the early years of our marriage, I lived with the attitude of, "I know we are on this boat together, Babe, but if you do anything to make us start sinking, I am jumping ship." By jumping ship, I didn't mean leaving him; but I did mean, "I will never let this go - you will hear about it over and over. Others will know it was you who made this decision and that I told you so before you did it." By questioning his every decision and by never letting him live down any decision I thought was wrong, I literally handicapped my husband into being afraid to live out his faith and walk in his anointing as the leader of our home.

I remember when just recently Chris told me that he knew the Lord was calling us to ministry in Florida. You know what I did? I immediately went to the Lord and asked for my own personal confirmation from Him that this was true. "Please, Father, tell me that this is where you want us." My attitude in asking the Lord this was not one of faith, but one of, "Surely if this were true, God would have told me." The Lord told me alright. He told me something my arrogant self needed to get straightened out. I really sensed the Lord saying in my spirit, "Holly, when are you going to trust Chris' faith in me? When, Holly, are you going to realize that your husband is a man of God, that he loves Me with his whole heart, and that I speak to him daily too--not just you. You are keeping him from reaching his God potential, because you refuse to trust in his relationship with me. By doing this, Holly, you are missing part of what I created you to do-- to be his helper and help him become all I he can be in Me. You are blowing it for the both of you." OUCH. It was so true. It was a pretty humbling moment in the Lord's presence that day for me.

Please don't misunderstand, I am not at all saying that to seek out your own confirmation from the Lord when you are following a decision your husband has made for your family is a bad thing, nor am I saying that to warn your husbands of a possible impending disaster that you see forthcoming from a decision he is about to make is wrong (believe me-- Chris hears his share of warnings :). But what I am saying is the Lord has taught me that sometimes best thing I can do for my man is to just shut up and let him know that I believe in his relationship with the Lord--so much so that I am willing to walk by faith and do what Chris says the Lord has called us to do. I truly believe that we can fuel our husbands with the confidence needed to walk in their anointing and to live out a radical faith if they know that sink or swim, you are doing it with him. There will be no, "You should have done things this way", or "I told you that would never work", no silent treatments, no, "I am embarrassed by the decisions you make"-- just acceptance and appreciation for his desire to step up and lead our family as God has called him to do.

So, Chris, here's to you. Thank you for your passion for God and for being willing to jump when God says, " jump." I trust your faith in Him-- so much now that I am willing to risk it all-- even if it means we sink. I love you.