I learned a great lesson as I came out of the closet yesterday morning. You see, I woke up feeling very anxious and overwhelmed by day to day life. Instead of stopping immediately and giving it all to God, I just kept trying to push through in my own strength. Feelings of anxiety, guilt, and fear began to mount, and to and to top things off, I fell in my closet (I know, it is in dire need of a total makeover). I was reaching for the sewing machine you can see on the top shelf when I slipped and I came crashing down. HARD. Really, really hard. My son, Max, was the only eye witness to this horrible accident, and as I was lying on the floor trying to figure out which body parts were still attached and which ones would be no more, he just watched in horror without saying a word (maybe he said something, but I heard nothing at this point). Seriously, as I lay on the floor, I just wanted to quit. Quit what? I don't know. I guess I just felt like giving up on walking in faith. Faith that God is in control. My fall in the closet was an illustration of what's been going on in my life in the past few weeks. Everything seems to be crashing down. The kids are sick and therefore extremely needy ( I struggle with keeping up when they are all healthy:), one is having major struggles with his behavior at school, our finances just took a nose dive with some investments gone bad, my house is a disaster despite the fact that a huge part of my day-everyday is cleaning. Basically, I have lost control and my faith is really being tested. So as I lie there on the closet floor grasping my left wrist that seems to have taken the brunt of the fall, I begin to tell God that I want to quit. I can't do it anymore. It was in that moment that God spoke to me through my 4 year old son. Observing that I had been clutching my wrist for quite sometime, Max says, "Mom, you want me to put my hands on your wrist and ask Jesus to make it better?" I replied, "Yes, please." As I sat there on the floor while my 4 year old laid his hands on my hurting wrist and prayed believing, that Jesus would make it all better, I realized that it was so simple to Max. I was hurt and Jesus would make it better just as soon as we ask. I felt the Lord say to me, "Keep going, Holly. Trust my Spirit to give you the strength you need. You asked me to increase your faith. Don't quit. Your children's faith will start at the place where your faith stops."
WOW. I realized in that moment that my children will start their journey with God expecting to see the things I am begging Him to see. What takes every ounce of faith for me to believe now, they will already know because they witnessed God doing these things at a young age before fear and doubt could get in the way. You see, they don't know that it is a huge "mountain" for me to trust God to heal my friend from Parkinson's disease, or to trust God to pay the bills, or to trust God to use me in some way to advance His kingdom. They just see us pray and see God answer. It's that simple to them. I am learning that the mountains in our lives that we are crying out in faith for God to move will be but mere anthills to them. It will be without question to them that God heals, and provides, and uses his children to make His Name great. Those will be "normals" to them. Their "mountains" will be so far beyond anything we could ever imagine God doing. We cry out now for miraculous healings from God, they will be crying out for resurrections. We ask in faith for God to supply the just enough money to pay the bills, they will be asking for millions to advance His kingdom. We beg to be a part of a movement of God like we have never seen before, they will beg to be a part of a movement of God that no one in the history of mankind has ever seen before.
Dear Father, increase my faith. Keep pushing me to trust You more and more. I am willing to suffer so that my faith will be made greater. Holy Spirit, give me the strength to keep on going (1)so that I may know who my God is (2) so that what about killed me to trust You with is but "normal" to my children. May their faith just begin where my faith stops. And may they have the faith to move mountains that I never dared to dreamed of!